Parenting Modern Teens

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Parenting: How To Be Your Best

Get up, it’s time for school!

Finish your homework! 

Clean your room!

Put your phone away!”

 

Nag. Nag. Nag...That’s not what we want your teen to hear.

 

When I was your age, I never….

I can’t believe you live like this…

You are so lazy…

When will you learn...

You drive me crazy when you….

 

Lecture. Lecture. Lecture….that’s not what we want your teen to hear.

If parents nag or lecture...modern teenagers won’t listen.

And in time....the relationship will weaken. That is not good.

 

And a weakened relationship may lead to your teen choosing lying, sneakiness, angry outbursts, avoiding or people-pleasing.

 Parents...we all want you to be your best. 

 

Allow me to support you...by telling you a story about the Smith family.

The morning school routine is a regular battle for many families, including the Smiths.

For the Smiths, the day consistently begins with Mom waking Sara up, her 13-year middle schooler, followed by Sam her 15-year-old. 

They don’t wake up the first time. 

Then again. Then again. Then again. Still not up.

Mom gets angry. She yells. She loses her temper. 

On the car ride to school - she gives pep-talks.

Sara and Sam don’t enjoy this.

They react. They are moody...and salty.  (Moodier and saltier than normal). 

Mom’s minivan arrives late to both schools. There are no good-bye pleasantries.  

 The next day...REPEAT.

 

PARENTS- can you see how Mom is a part of the problem? Part of this painful cycle?

She is making a number of poor choices.

  1. She is over-parenting her very capable teenagers.
  2. She has created a system where her kids are codependent on her.
  3. She is not allowing her kids to experience the consequences of their poor actions (not using an alarm clock and getting themselves up on time.)
  4. She is not taking care of her emotions and is yelling..nagging...and pep-talking.
  5. She has co-created this daily routine...the one she hates!

Here is what Mom could choose to do instead..and to be her best:

  1. Communicate her expectations. 
  2. Share how this behavior affects her emotions...without yelling, pleasing or avoiding. Do a "sit down" with your teen and together, make a new plan to break this cycle. A win/win! (See "The Parenting Teens Masterclass" for new, parenting tools to make this happen with your teen!)
  3. Communicate natural consequences that allow her children to reap what they have sown.
  4. Follow-through on those consequences...if needed.
  5. Enjoy her morning, and not let a teen’s poor behavior bring her down.

 Too often, parents lose sight of how capable teenagers are.

Too often, parents lose sight that they are a part of the problem...and are not their best.

It is important to create a family system that gives your teen the opportunity to grow into their responsibilities and expectations.

Here’s the balance:

  • Give freedom - your teenager is in the process of growing up. If you are nagging and reminding constantly, how are they supposed to learn from their experiences? Teenagers need to know what needs to be done and given the opportunity to succeed or fall short. This is how people learn and mature.
  • Keep expectations high - use our House Rules for Teenagers document as a tool so that you can clearly communicate expectations and consequences. Stay strong and hold them to high standards!
  • Follow up with support and grace - your teen is not perfect. They need love, support, guidance, emotion-coaching, and empathy. Your teen does not understand the full dynamics of being an adult.

This is the stage in life to teach them new things. Rather than getting mad when your teen falls short, find supportive ways to connect with them, and use natural consequences.

  • Get your teen a Coach from www.ParentingModernTeens.com/teen-coaching. We’d love to help you teens learn new communication skills, self-care skills and understand their emotions and self in deep and meaningful ways.

...And in finding the system which works best for your family, so you can all be your best!

Stay Strong. Be Close. Teach Wisdom.

If you need support with your family, you can 1) Subscribe to get more articles and tips 2) Contact us for Coaching  3) Take our free parenting class! 

Co-Authored By Family Coaches Paul Scholz and Sean Donohue

 

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