A good question changes things.
Asking someone a good, juicy, personal question sends a strong message.
The message you send is...
1. I am interested in you.
1. I am curious about how you think.
3. I care about you...and what you have to say.
4. I want to get to know you better.
And while teens may cringe at first when I ask them something juicy, after they realize I am serious, I care, and that I would really like to get to know them = they will almost always answer.
My desire to ask a good question was probably why I was voted "Most Likely to Host A Talk Show" in my San Diego high school yearbook under Senior Standouts! #RBClassOf97!
When I coach parents, I often teach about the positive power of asking your kids good, juicy, timely, questions. I wrote about it here and in various articles.
First, make sure you have the right time...and the right place - and get ready to listen....learn...and engage!
And be careful!
If your teen trusts you, and he/she really opens up to you, you will likely hear some things that you don't like hearing. Try not to get triggered, try to not sabotage the communication...and listen and learn...and enjoy your kid!
1. "How do you feel like our relationship is going these days?"
2. "Do you feel like you can be honest with me? As in, do you feel like you can tell me anything and I won't over-react or overstep my boundaries or punish you for what you teel me?"
3. "If you could change one thing about me, or about how I parent you, what would it be?"
4. "If you were really hurting, would you tell me? If you were vaping or using drugs, would you tell me? Or would you hide it because you were afraid that you would get in trouble or be forced to stop?"
5. "I want to be closer to you than we are. Is there something I can change or do differently which would help our closeness?"
Founder of ParentingModernTeens.com
Click HERE to take Sean's parenting class, “How to Get Teens to Listen, Communicate and Thrive- Without the Stress!”
Click HERE to read “7 Things EVERY Teen Guy Needs to Hear From Her Parents.”
Click HERE to read "Mean, Spoiled Entitled NO MORE: How to Parent Your Teen Into a Caring, Mature, Young Adult."
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