The MOST POPULAR question in the world, is also the worst.
Seriously, this is one DUMB QUESTION.
And when you ask it you will usually get the response of...
I won't even ask if you have heard "Fine" before because I already know you have heard it a million times.
We get lame responses...because we are asking a lame question!
(And we wonder why our kids don't talk to us!)
Parents, here are 8 better questions which will help you get what you are looking for...
.....close conversation....human connection...feelings and emotion...ways to support....
A Quick Tip from Our Team of Coaches:
Your teen may not want to talk right after school. Find a time that works for both of you!
People like talking about positive and funny things. This question invites your kid to relive something interesting or funny which, after a long day at school, could be positive for him/her. The question also invites you to listen and laugh along with them. Win/Win.
This is a brilliant question.
After a stressful school day, your kid/teen may want to share a best moment to enjoy it again and let off some stress.
"I got an A on my quiz"
"My teacher farted!"
"I got invited to a sleepover this weekend!"
After a stressful day, some kids will not want to talk about stressful stuff...but others will.
The only way you will know....is if you ask.
And if they talk to you about this...be a good listener! If you react with nosiness, fear, anger or some kind of weird and unwanted parent pep talk, they will probably shut down.
A question with a 1-10 scale helps people communicate in a very concise and simple manner. If their stress number is high, then you will know to proceed gently and wisely.
These are your kids friends' names...and you are asking about them.
If you are close with your kid/teen, you will know the names of your kid's friends...And you will know who they sit and eat lunch with everyday.
If you don't know the names of your kid's friends, you are not thriving as a parent. And your kids are missing out on being close to their parent.
If you want help being close to your child, or getting some new tools or support, The Parents Club could be a great fit for you, or a one-on-one coaching session.
It needs to be said. School can be sooooo....boring. This question helps you understand what topics excite your child/teen.
True story: I was giving a parenting seminar to a group of about 75 parents and I asked the group to tell me a question they ask their kid/teen which fosters communication. A dad stood up...and said he asks his son this question every day.
I flipped out...in a good way!
The son actually enjoys answering this question AND he often has stories of how he helped someone! #STUD. I told the father I wanted his son to marry one of my daughters. #ArrangedMarriage.
This is a great question. It honors their space, their power, their individuality, and puts the ball in his/her court to share...Yet also makes it clear you are available for communication or support.
Share this article on social media and tell everyone what your favorite question is!
Founder of ParentingModernTeens.com
Click HERE to go deeper with Sean.
Click HERE for Sean's article, "Why Teens Need EQ Skills".
Click HERE to read Sean's article, "How To Evaluate Your Teen's Emotional Maturity".