How to Take Your Power Back!
"My kids make me crazy."
"My spouse doesn't support me."
"If only they would change, then I'd feel better."
"I feel powerless in my family."
Feeling powerless...feels horrible.
Think back to a time when your child/teen was having a meltdown...in public!Ouch...These are the worst! It's so embarrassing and frustrating.
Very likely, I would bet that you reacted and became...
Upset
Angry
Threatening
Or
Avoidant
You acted this way because you probably felt huge emotions underneath...
Embarrassed..."Random strangers are staring at me."
Judged..."People think I am a bad parent"
Hurried..."We don't have time for this! We have places to go!"
Violated..."This kid thinks she can yell/cry and get whatever she wants!"
Controlled/Manipulated..."I am not going to let this child tell me what to do or manipulate me!"
Remember That Just Because Your Child/Teen Becomes Emotional, Doesn't Mean You Need To.
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CHOICES
Don't give your power away.
No person can make you react to anything. You always have choices.
For example, in the above situation, you didn't have to react to your child's emotions. You chose to.
Your melting down child was trying to get her needs met. This horrible (and painful) temper tantrum was the way she chose how to do it.
When children grow older and become teenagers, the pattern doesn't always change.
Teens are trying to get their needs met. Teenagers use all kinds of strategies (healthy and unhealthy) to try to get what they want....and need.
TAKE YOUR POWER BACK THROUGH...
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
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Personal Responsibility Means Owning Your Own Actions And Your Own Emotions...(And Not Giving Power Away)
NEXT STEP: REGULATE YOUR EMOTIONS
Sure you’re going to have difficult emotions triggered when your kid acts out. That’s understandable...and I'm not advising you to be an emotionless robot. That's not possible.
But after that initial trigger, it’s your job, as an adult, to do the work it takes to regulate your emotions. Manage them. Understand them. Don't let them control your actions or reactions.
When you decide that your emotions are your responsibility you’re in a perfect position to powerfully influence the only person you can - yourself.
You can control your actions and reactions.
You cannot control your kid.
There is only one person's actions you can control.
By 1) taking excellent care of yourself 2) regulating your emotions, and 3) controlling your reactions...you'll be an example of mature, personal responsibility to your teen.
If you need help building these skills and creating a powerful and behavior-changing family system, please contact us! If your teen's poor and defiant behavior is pushing you to the limit we would love to coach you and your family with new and creative parenting approaches.
Peace!
Co-Authored by
We Show Modern Parents How to Expertly Parent Their Modern Teen Into Maturity and Responsibility
Click HERE to read “5 Steps to Take Your Power Back.”
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The Family Coaches of Parenting Modern Teens
We Help Parents Solve Painful Patterns and Behaviors...& Raise Wise, Mature Adults.
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