Did I say money?
We all want our kids to express gratitude for the many things we do (and buy) for them.
We want our kids to be good students, speak respectfully, do household chores, manage screen-time, have good, healthy friendships and be maturing as a successful, independent adult.
Our Family Coaches here at www.ParentingModernTeens.com, are passionate about giving modern parents TOOLS.
Here are three helpful parenting TOOLS for your journey:
Raising a teenager should feel like you are in a Win/Win relationship with them.
Your teenager "WINS" because he/she gets things that he/she wants:
Financial access to hobbies, sports, and interests
Parent's money to fund these activities
Video games or computers
Occasional new clothing
A bedroom in your home
A bedroom door which allows privacy
Occasional spending money.
Allow me to remind you...Your teen is not entitled to all this.
You provide these things because you can financially afford to provide them, and you enjoy caring and loving for your children in this way.
Yet, as we discuss Win/Win relationships, don’t forget that parents have things they want too.
Parents "WIN" because you get what you want:
Treated with honor
Teamwork with chores and household duties
Hard work in school studies
Obedience to the House Rules you set
Intimate conversation about their teen life
Quality time, family dinners, family participation
Gratitude, kindness, and love towards you and other family members.
If you are not getting the things on this list, you may be in a Win/Lose relationship with your teenager!
The good news is that it’s never too late to change that.
As I teach about in my NEW free parenting class, creating teamwork is a key to raising modern teenagers.
Yes, there is absolutely a time and a place for discipline...but discipline should only be used as a last resort...when teamwork is unsuccessful.
Using any type of parental power: yelling, threats, discipline or grounding does not create teamwork...and is not fun…for anyone.
Sit down as adults and talk it out. Work together to make a Win/Win.
Parents CONSTANTLY make deals with their kids.
Almost all of these deals are unspoken.
“I will sign you up for this, and I want you to follow my House Rules.”
“When I drive you to that location, I want you to say this to me when I drop you off.”
“If I buy you this, then I expect that you will do this in exchange?”
Beware of making a one-sided deal.
A one-sided deal means you give something but get NOTHING POSITIVE in exchange. This would be an example of a bad deal.
If you find yourself in the middle of some bad deals with your kids, make some new deals today!
Here are some examples:
Teen Girl - “Mom, I need some new clothes.”
Mom – “Ok, great. I’d love to get you some clothes. How does this sound: You help me paint the living room this Saturday morning, and then in the afternoon we’ll go to the mall together, have some girl talk about life over some sushi, and I’ll buy you those cute new clothes you want. Deal?
Teen – “Yes, mom. Let’s do it.”
Teen Guy – “Dad, can I have a sleepover tonight with my friends and we can buy pizza and ice cream for everyone?
Dad – That sounds awesome, I would love for you and your boys to have that. How about this: You help me with some yard work for a few hours right now, and you give me your word that you and your friends will have lights out at 1 am tonight. Deal?
Teen – No way Dad! Come on! I hate working in the yard. And 1 am? No way! That’s no fun Dad. None of my friends will even want to come over if you make us go to bed at 1 am.
Dad – Well, this seems like a good deal to me. I need help in the yard. It’s hard for me to do this by myself, and I am cleaning it for you and your friends. And for 1 am time, your siblings and Mom and I want to go to sleep and not hear you all past 1. With this deal, we both get things we want.
Teen – “Hmmmm. If we can get pizza AND buffalo wings, then yes – deal.
Dad – “Deal. Let’s get to work in this yard.”
By Sean Donohue
Family Coach and Founder
We Show Modern Parents How to Expertly Parent Their Modern Teen Into Maturity and Responsibility