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Are You In A Win/Lose Relationship With Your Teen?

 

Teens ask for a lot.

Screens.

Clothes.

Money.

More money.

Rides.

Food.

More food.

More money.

Screens. 

Did I say screens?

 

Parents Have Feelings Too.


We want our kids to express gratitude for the many things we do (and buy) for them. 

We want our kids to...

-be hard-working students

-speak respectfully to us

-do household chores

-have good diet and exercise

-manage screen-time

-participate in quality family-time

-have healthy friendships

-treat their siblings well

-be sober

-and give us confidence that they are maturing as a successful, independent adults.

 

Here are three helpful parenting TOOLS for your parenting journey:

 

  1. Ensure You Are In A “Win/Win Relationship” With Your Teen 

Raising a teenager should feel like a Win/Win.

Your teenager "WINS" because he/she gets things that he/she wants:

-Funding for hobbies, sports, and interests

-Cell phone

-Video games or computers

-Occasional new clothing

-A bedroom in your home

-A bedroom door which allows privacy

-Car rides 

-Occasional spending money


Allow me to remind you...Your teen is not entitled to anything.

You provide these things because you can financially afford to provide them, and you enjoy caring and loving for your children in this way.

 

Parents "WIN" because you get what you want:

-Respectful communication

-Treated with honor

-Teamwork with chores and household duties

-Hard work in school studies

-Obedience to the House Rules you set

-Intimate conversation about their teen life

-Quality time, family dinners, family participation

-Gratitude, kindness, and love towards you and other family members.

If you are not getting the things on this list, you are probably in a Win/Lose relationship with your teenager!

 

The good news is that it’s never too late to change that.

  1.  Talk With Your Teens About How You Can Work Together To Move Towards A Win/Win Dynamic

I teach more about the power of conversation with modern teens in my NEW free parenting class.

This conversation should go well...but if it doesn't...it's just another sign you are in a serious Win/Lose dynamic with your teen.

Ouch. It hurts.

It also reveals that you are having a hard time leading your teen/tween/family into win/wins. You could benefit from some new parenting tools and ideas.

It also reveals you are a good candidate for our Silver parent coaching experience.

 

 

  1. Only Make “Good Deals” With Your Teen


We parents are CONSTANTLY making deals with our kids. (Whether we realize it or not) 

Almost all of these deals are unspoken

We do something nice for them and in exchange they do...

We sometimes automatically do nice things for our kids because we love them, we want to serve them, and we may feel like it's our duty as a parent.

Yet, this parent mentality is often the soil where teen entitlement is grown...and fostered. 

There are many, many ways that modern parents can move their relationship into a win/win. (Take my free class for more ideas!)

One simple way is...beware of making a one-sided, bad "deal".

A one-sided deal means you give/buy/provide something but get you NOTHING POSITIVE in exchange. 

Here are some real-life examples:

Teen Girl - “Mom, I need some new clothes.”

Mom – “Ok, great. I’d love to get you some clothes.

How does this deal sound:

You help me paint the living room this Saturday morning, and then in the afternoon we’ll go to the mall together, have some girl talk about life over some sushi, and I’ll buy you those cute new clothes you want. Deal?

Teen – “Yes, mom. Let’s do it.”

 Win/Win.

 

Stay Strong. Be close. Teach Wisdom.

Sean Donohue

Family Coach, Founder

ParentingModernTeens.com

Click HERE to go deeper with Sean.

Click HERE  to read "Young Men Are Lions - And Need To To Feel Like One."

Click HERE to read “7 Things EVERY Teen Girl Needs to Hear From Her Parents.”

Click HERE for Sean's article, "Why Teens Need EQ Skills".

Click HERE to read Sean's article, "How To Evaluate Your Teen's Emotional Maturity".

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