"Get off of your screen and do your homework."
"Stop bugging your sister!"
"I told you three times, empty the dishwasher!"
"It's time for bed. Now!"
"Today you have to go to practice, then come home and shower, eat, then study for math, then do work on your book report, then write Grandma a thank you card."
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If you have fallen into a cycle of "Command and Control" parenting...
If you feel like you have to constantly remind your kids...
If you feel like, "If I don't tell them, then it won't happen!"
If you are constantly telling your kids what to do...this is for you.
Here are five reasons why you should stop Command and Control (Authoritarian) style parenting.
A parent's goal should be to thrive in "Authoritative" parenting: using healthy EQ skills, thriving as a mentor and teacher, setting good boundaries and being close with our kids.
Lying to a parent is NOT ok.
Hiding the truth is NOT ok.
So why do some kids do it?
Many kids do it because of how the parent speaks to them, and/or parents them.
Kids lie when they don't feel safe.
Kids hide the truth when they have counted the cost, and they have determined it's much easier for their life if they lie to a parent.
Kids avoid talking to a parent if they don't feel comfortable.
The more you Command and Control your kids, the more they will be tempted to lie to you.
It's that simple.
"I forgot to do the dishes."
"I forgot I had a test."
"I forgot you told me."
Forgetfulness is natural, normal thing for young people.
Yet, it can also be proven coping mechanism.
Forgetfulness can be a form of a white lie, a straight-up lie, or a genuine act of memory loss- It's hard to tell!
Have you heard the expression, being a 'YES MAN'? Teens who want to avoid conflict with a strong parent may say 'Yes', then claim to have forgotten. This is not good.
In almost all cases, your son/daughter DOES NOT have memory problems.
Case In Point: He/She remembers things he/she wants to remember. Right!?
If your son/daughter says "I forgot" often, it may be a good time to look yourself in the mirror and re-evaluate your parenting communication.
It's normal for teens to nap, sleep in, and take the easy way out.
But the more you use Command and Control parenting, the greater chance that you will have laziness in your home.
Why would a teen use a calendar planner, write something down so they don't forget, or becoming self-sufficient when they have a parent constantly doing it for them?
Why would a teen push themselves to grow and mature as an independent young adult when they have a parent there to remind, control and rescue?
Modern kids are so different than we were!
Many of us were defiant when we were kids.
But today's teens can be sooooo defiant!
Defiant with screens.
Defiant with laziness.
Defiant with anxiety.
Defiance with depression.
Defiant with school refusal.
Command and Control parenting is poor use of a parent's POWER.
Likewise, defiance from a child/teen is poor use of a child's POWER.
Command and Control parenting is power.
Defiance is power.
Defiance is a sign of a broken, unhealthy relationship.
If you have defiance in your home, it's a good time to look at how you are using power.
If you have defiance in your home, there are better ways for you to use your power to help your child.
I have a saying I often tell parents in private sessions,
"You can't be best friends with the warden of the jail."
If a parent is controlling their life, kids will often feel like they are in jail...and their parent is the warden.
If you are using Command and Control parenting, you are taking a knife and killing closeness.
This strategy might have worked when your kids were younger, but as they get older you will see the many negative effects...with the worst one being, your kids will not want to be close with you.
Kids and parents should be close.
That's the goal. That's the dream.
If this article connected with you, I have good news for you...You Can Change!
There is a different way to parent your kids/teens.
If you want more help growing as a parent and helping your family to grow, contact us.
Founder of ParentingModernTeens.com
Click HERE to go deeper with Sean.
Click HERE Sean's article, "Why Teens Need EQ Skills".
Click HERE to read Sean's article, "How To Evaluate Your Teen's Emotional Maturity".